Anisa Lahay

A Guy What Takes His Time

2011-11-20T18:45:00.003+07:00

(originally by Mae West)

Ooh, ooh, ooh

A guy what takes his time, I’ll go for any time
I’m a fast movin’ gal who likes them slow
Got no use for fancy driving, wanna to see a guy arriving in low
I’d be satisfied, electrified to know a guy what takes his time

A hurry-up affair, I always give the air
Wouldn’t give any rushing gent a smile
I would go for any single who would condescend to linger awhile
What a lullaby would be supplied to have a guy who takes his time, ooh

A guy what takes his time, I’d go for any time
A hasty job really spoils a master’s touch
I don’t like a big commotion, I’m a demon for slow motion or such
Why should I deny that I would die to know a guy who takes his time

There isn’t any fun in getting something done
If you’re rushed when you have to make the grade
I can spot an amateur, appreciate a connoisseur in trade
Who would qualify, no alibi, to be the guy who takes his time

Ooh, ooh…

Please Hear What I Am Not Saying

2010-08-01T23:28:00.007+07:00

Don't be fooled by me

Don't be fooled by the face I wear

For I wear a mask, a thousand masks, masks that i'm afraid to take off

And none of them is me

Pretending is an art that's second nature with me,

But don't be fooled.. for God's sake don't be fooled

I give you the impression that I'm secure,

that all is sunny and unruffled with me, within as well as without

That confidence is my name and coolness is my game

That the water's calm and I'm in command

and that I need no one,

But don’t believe me..

My surface may seem smooth but my surface is my mask,

ever-varying and ever-concealing.

Beneath lies no complacence.

Beneath lies me in confusion, and fear, and aloneness.

But I hide this.

I don't want anybody to know it.

I panic at the thought of my weakness exposed.

That's why I frantically create a mask to hide behind,

to help me pretend, to shield me from the glance that knows.

But such a glance is precisely my salvation, my only hope,

and I know that is, if it's followed by acceptance, it's followed by love.

It's the only thing that can liberate me from myself,

from my own self-built prison walls, from the barriers I so painstakingly erect.

It's the only thing that will assure me of what I can't assure myself,

that I'm really worth something.

But I don't tell you this. I don't dare to, I'm afraid to.

I'm afraid your glance will not be followed by acceptance,will not be followed by love.

I'm afraid you'll think less of me,that you'll laugh, and your laugh would kill me.

So I play my game, my desperate pretending game,

with a facade of assurance without and a trembling child within.

I idly chatter to you in the suave tones of surface talk.

I tell you everything that's really nothing, and nothing of what's everything,

of what's crying within me.

So when I'm going through my routine do not be fooled by what I'm saying.

Please listen carefully and try to hear what I'm not saying,

what I'd like to be able to say, what for survival I need to say,

but what I can't say.

I don't like hiding.

I don't like playing superficial phony games.

I want to stop playing them.

I want to be genuine and spontaneous and me

but you've got to help me.

With your power to touch me into feeling you can breathe life into me.

I want you to know that.

I want you to know how important you are to me,

how you can be a creator--an honest-to-God creator-- of the person that is me

You alone can break down the wall behind which I tremble,

You alone can remove my mask,

You alone can release me from my shadow-world of panic, from my lonely prison,

If you choose to.

Please choose to.

Do not pass me by.

It will not be easy for you.

A long conviction of worthlessness builds strong walls.

The nearer you approach to me the blinder I may strike back.

It's irrational, but despite what the books say about man

often I am irrational.

I fight against the very thing I cry out for.

But I am told that love is stronger than strong walls

and in this lies my hope.

Please try to beat down those walls

with firm hands but with gentle hands

for a child is very sensitive.

Who am I, you may wonder?

I am someone you know very well.

For I am every man, and every woman you meet

I am every man and every woman who wears a mask

Don’t be fooled by me, at least not by the face I wear

Charles C. Finn
September 1966

Everything Happens For a Reason

2010-07-07T00:20:00.005+07:00

I like to believe that everything happens for a reason.. No matter what happens to you, not only does something valuable and worthy come out of it but it's just what you need.

As crazy as it sounds, it is true.

We see it in little ways, like when our plans for a perfect get-away fall through, we'll soon find out that all the thing we need is at home anyway.

Isn't it funny how things happen to us that make no sense at the time and will eventually reveal their purpose in the end?

Sometimes a certain person comes into your life, you may never know who this person might be... but when you look at him straight in the eyes, you know that every moment you are with him, he will affect your life in some thorough way. At that very moment you knew right-away that he was meant to be there.. to serve some sort of purpose...

Everything does happen for a reason..

The people you meet on your way up or down affect your life.

If someone hurts you, betrays you in the most disrespectful manner you could never imagined, forgive them because they've taught you a lesson about trust and the importance of being extra cautious to whom you open your heart.

And if someone loves you, love them 1000% back not only because they love you and accept you at your best even at your worst... But also because they are teaching you the art, definition and meaning of love and how to open your heart and eyes to little things at the same time.

Jakarta, 7 Juli 2010, 01:12 by Anisa Lahay

2010-06-13T01:30:00.003+07:00

Everything I missed in my previous life seems to find its own way of coming back

Some ways are ludicrous, some are somewhat like a sweet karma, and some are too good to be true

HAPPY BIRTHDAY MOMMA!

2010-05-25T14:46:00.004+07:00

I LOVE YOU TOO MUCH

2010-05-21T00:10:00.004+07:00

Brian O'Conner: This is where my jurisdiction ends.
Dominic Toretto : And this is where mine begins.

Fast and Furious

can we have another round?

2010-05-20T00:23:00.003+07:00

you-made-me-ache, well done my son..
now can we please have another round?

Dear hypocrites

2010-05-16T03:11:00.001+07:00

I shalt not speak on my behalf, for I have learned to be content in whatsoever state I am
The tongue, so unruly evil, can no man tame
But but by thy words thou shalt be justified
And by thy words thou shalt be condemned

To be ill spoken of
In whatever language
Without real evidence
To me, is no surprise

Wilt thou provoke me?
NO..thou wilt not

To take matter by heart of ill-speaking zealots is a waste of time and a downgrade for my caste

Thou shalt always, always think for yourselves

Do not refuse to look into meaning

2010-05-11T21:59:00.000+07:00

I am extraordinay if you'd ever get to know me..

Meanings are there for you to explore so you can comprehend
Don't leave it in ignorance,dear...

Who are you to judge all else when the casing is all you see?
What will happen to you when the lights are off and you could see nothing?
How will you react when you realised that the best casing you'd chosen is rough and damaged because it's been passed on to no fewer than 10 hands before?

How do you not see that a person or sound is more than their label?
You hate that which you do not understand when you refuse to look into meaning

What answers do you have? Do you have any answers?

I know where can an answer be found to this, only in heartbreak and disappointment
While I'll just have to endure another fight in frustration that's in store for me...

The depth of your emotions flowing shallow ..
In the shallow river in your mind...
But you still got a chance to dive deeper and find life's greatest beauty in the deepest depth of the deep blue sea...

Don't be shallow dear, you're worth more than that....

For the Greater Good

2009-11-06T19:29:00.004+07:00

I walked steady in the street of unlimitation
where skills and potentions were my only energy to keep on walking on this street
every steps I made led me to the route of perfections I've been longing for so long

but then,
a blinding flash of light distracted me

It was You,
not the sun, not the lightning, not the flash
it was You,
You and only You

I stopped abruptly
I stopped chasing my dreams
I lost focus on what I've been dreaming for so long
I tripped and fell
The street of unlimitation kept on calling to remind me
"this is what you've always wanted Anisa!"

But I,
no longer want to step a foot on there

I ran to You
I tried to reach You, light
I tried to grab You
I tried to distract your attention just like what You did to me
But I don't think it did any good

I am tired, I need a break
I need to soothe my nerves

but not for long,
I need to get my focus back
but first, I got to decide,
what do I want? what do I need?
Which path would I pursue?

Deep down I know,
All I need is stabilty for my soul
where I could be the GREAT me in pursuing my dreams
and having someone to share tales about his own GREATness
so we could be the GREAT duo

for the Greater Good

In terms of whatever

2009-11-03T10:11:00.003+07:00

If only I could do or say whatever and be whatever in whatever situations without having to deal with whatever consequences, I'd certainly be a whatever - Anisa Lahay

i'm falling another moment into your gravity

2009-09-18T14:08:00.008+07:00

I left. I ran . I wandered . I flew
But in the end, something always brings me back to you

Denying. Retreating. Refusing. Letting go
But in the end, I got to let go my big ego

And now I'm
Remembering.Reliving. Recalling . Reminiscing
To push myself in doing the art of struggling

I'll do it
Freely. Happily. Cheerfully. Devotedly
Coz' I'm falling another moment into your gravity

tick tock tick tock

2009-09-15T12:43:00.004+07:00

sitting with my laptop on
times keep ticking
tick tock tick tock tick tock

it's time to take a break for a while
i'm tired of running
keep on watching my clock
tick tock tick tock tick tock

did i dance too fast
did my dancing dies before the music stop
is this the reason why exhaustion keeps on fluttering around me?
will time wait for me ?
tick tock tick tock tick tock

I ran miles and miles in these shoes
run! anisa run! my mind keeps saying
but why do i keep on running
to reach the goals or to keep on running from time?
tick tock tick tock tick tock tick tock

I'm tired
I'm taking a break
Sitting with my laptop on
Enjoying the cool of my cigar with a cup of milk tea
while letting time running past me this time
only this time
tick tock tick tock tick tock

It'll only be for this time, time...
Once my energy refilled.
I'll run again
running against time
running against you
tick tock tick tock tick tock

Happy Birthday Miss Haryani Primanti!!!

2009-08-29T06:13:00.010+07:00

All these times, memories created
We did not choose, we're simply related

I know you expected something grand today
Like jewels or something sweet to remember this moment by
But dear, you know that sweetness is never on my list
So I decided to take more time
To write you a beautiful rhyme

Happy birthday,Haryani Primanti, oh my greatest friend,
Amazing times we always spend.
Cracking jokes and laughing at each other's stupidity
And not giving a damn shit of our own dignity

You're one Special friend that I hold dear,
Always love to have you near.
We get along, like bread with butter
Our friendship is more than what I can utter.

If you stumble, count me there,
Gratitude; no need to declare.
For I always know you'll be there
Here, there and everywhere...

I love you so much I can't explain
I need your comfort when I am in pain
There ain't no stars too high to reach
When you start motivating me through your preach

Friends will come and friends will go
The seasons change and it will show
I will age and so will you
But our friendship stays strong and true!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BUNDA ANGKIII!!!

Love,

Anisa Lahay

Terima Kasih Tuhan..

2009-08-22T15:29:00.007+07:00

I am a realist not an idealist..
I have faith in God but usually it's just faith with no action..
I used to think that this world is just like a game played by our maker, just like The Sims..
So I didn't get why do I as a Moslem had to pray 5 times a day? Isn't it the same with just folding your hands and pray? why would it be different?

And then yesterday came, just a day before the fasting month..
My heart was seeking for comfort, something that my head had failed to give..
I couldn't think..I was betrayed once more..I was upset,devastated and mentally-abused.
I had no where to go..

Then I listened to sound of dzikir from the mosque nearby and followed it in my heart..
Suddenly I found the comfort I need and I know what my next destination is..

So,I cut my nails, erase the black nail-polished that I always used and took a shower to cleanse myself from my past and dirts of my last period. Then I chose my clothes very carefully coz' I want to look my best while I am talking to God and spray some perfume and did my shalat...

Then I started to Pray :

Ya Allah, Terima kasih atas semua kenikmatan yang telah kau berikan padaku
Terima kasih karena telah memberikan dua orang tua terbaik untukku
Terima kasih karena telah memberiku keluarga yang luar biasa sempurna
Terima kasih karena telah memberiku sahabat dan teman-teman yang baik
Kaulah tempat ku berlindung, tempat ku mengadu..
Kau Penciptaku, Kau Maha Tahu, Kau Maha Pengasih lagi Maha Penyayang...

Maafkan saya ya Allah karena sudah begitu lama aku meninggalkanmu
Maafkan saya karena telah mempertanyakan keberadaanmu
Maafkan saya karena saya tidak berterima kasih atas segala pemberianmu..
Maafkan saya karena saya selalu berlari padaMu ketika ada hal yang saya butuhkan saja...

Ya Allah, cobaan ini terasa sangat berat..
Saya bingung hendak berbuat apa karena hal seperti ini pernah saya alami sebelumnya dan saya sudah melakukan segala cara supaya itu tidak akan terjadi lagi dalam kehidupan saya...
Ternyata saya salah....

Tolong berikanlah saya ketenangan hati dan pikiran agar bisa menyelesaikan masalah ini ya Allah..
Bimbinglah saya ke jalanMu ya Allah...
Hati ini sangatlah tidak tentram ya Allah dan pikiran-pikiran saya membuat segalanya menjadi lebih buruk...

Ya Allah, tolong berikanlah kehangatan dalam hati saya dan ketenangan pada pikiran saya...
Terima kasih karena telah mendengarkan doa saya ya Allah...

Amin

Soon after that I went to sleep..No dreams no nightmares, it was the best sleep i've ever had..
And when I woke, the weight that have been weighing my chest has finally been lifted off..

Now my heart is pure and my mind clear and my sould devout...

Thank You God!! Terima Kasih Tuhan!!

courage in entertaining....

2009-08-13T22:12:00.006+07:00

"There's only two types of people in the world :
the ones that entertain and the ones that are scared " - Britney Spears

haha call me chicken whenever you like but at least I never had to deal with stage freight..because I am who I am and I am comfortable for being so..

So for all wannabes out there :
You can fantasize and imagine yourself to be in the fronline whatever you like dear but it's useless if you never had the courage to do so.....

Why would I even want to grow up?

2009-08-12T22:27:00.004+07:00

Growing old is a certain thing that will happen in your life
But how about growing up?
That's relative...

For years I watched my friends ran before me, reaching in what they call maturity and leaving all the fun and adventures behind...

But I didn't run with them, I stayed at exact point where I was before..
No harm done, No pain,Many gain and Less effort
But I am happy being me... I am cool with them calling me childish and all...
and asking when will you grow up Anisa?

When will I grow up? oh I don't know... maybe never?

Why would I even want to Grow up?

To me, Love is You

2009-08-11T14:19:00.004+07:00

Kings and Queens, Philosophers have tried so hard to find the meaning of Love.
Their definitions had never reached one final conclusion,
Because love works in funny ways that seems to blow different effects from one people to another.

So tell me what Love means to you dear?

To me, Love is You....

I dance to express...

2009-08-09T15:49:00.015+07:00

Dancing has been and will always be the place where I can express all my feelings. And performing my beautiful moves in front of people is my life's greatest pleasure....

Here are some photos of my performances :

ADMIX dance
November 19,2005 @Factority

ADMIX dance
April 4,2006

ADMIX dance
2007
I'm the one doing the split

Armada All Stars
@Main Stage, Jakarta Fair, 2009

Komunitas Tari Fisip UI
@Bedah Kampus, 2008

Armada All Stars
Opening dance Iwan Fals @Jakarta Fair,2009

yeah blame the demons for your stupid brain!

2009-08-08T23:16:00.011+07:00

I wonder why everyone's being so silly nowadays for blaming demons for all bad things they've done..

" The demon in me forces me to be an alcoholic" or "It's like I heard someone whispering to me saying that all my problems would be solved if I just slice my daughter's head off"

Gosh! there are no demons posessing you. I know that they whisper,tempt,seduce,persuade us to do something against what God desires us to do but hey! can't your head and heart control it? just say no!!
Or why don't you just tell the demons to fuck off and not talk to you again then??!!

don't blame the demons..blame your stupid head..

As soon as as you accept that the human nature is frail, you will be able to take responsibility for yourselves and stop blaming imaginary beings..

Colors of My Saturday Night...

2009-08-08T21:14:00.006+07:00

Blue, blue, my night is blue
Blue is my night now I'm missing you

Red, red, my eyes are red
Can't sleep without imagining you on my bed

Black, black, the nights I've known
Longing for you so lost and alone

*from "Love is Blue" by Frank Sinatra but I did a little modification on the lyrics..to match my current mood.... haha

My words for the greatest parents ever alive..

2009-08-07T22:05:00.004+07:00

I watched my parents sleeping just now..
Normally if I go to their room and found that they're both fast asleep I would just go out quietly..
But tonight, I don't know what came over me...
I sit on their bed and watch them sleep..

At first I fought the urge to laugh because of my dad's snore
But then I noticed something different from them..
Something so different from what I had remembered all my life..

There are lines on their beautiful faces.. I can't believe they're getting older.
I always thought they looked the same from time to time..
Never imagined that time drew lines on their faces so fast...

I took a closer look at my dad...
He had so many lines in his forehead now, lines that I believe he got from his job as a diplomat.
And many more around his mouth that shows he's a humourus person who loves to laugh.
His muscle isn't as big as it was before, but it's still there and when I touched his hands, it's not firm anymore.. it's so loose that I can shape it...

Then I came to my mom..
Watching her asleep is liking watching an angel sleeping..
so peaceful..
I touched her hands..hands that were used to hold me when I was a baby..

I can't help but remembered :
How they always put me on top of their lists..
How my dad struggle to get money so that I can go to fancy schools and courses..
How my mom always support me in everything that I do...

But what did I give them in return?

I yelled at them, put them second in my lists..
I prefer hanging out with my friends than staying home with them..
I never do my chores...
Sometimes I let them down...

I am sorry..
I am sorry for being a lousy daughter...

But tonight I promise both of you that I will be a better daughter..
And I'll make you both very proud of me...

Mark my words because that's a very serious promise coming out of me and I'm going to fulfill it before the end of anyone's time between the three of us...

His Excellency, Mr. Yamasita Lahay and Mrs. Nana Kurniati Lahay

I LOVE YOU

Jealousy in Friendship...

2009-08-06T21:22:00.005+07:00

" Friendship is nothing if we fill it with jealousy "

That, my friend, is very true.. Why the hell are we in a circle of friendship if we keep this battle of who's better at this and who's better at that?!

I can do things you can't do
And I believe you can do things that I can't do, too...

So if I get things or compliments I deserved..
Stop trying to make people think that it's not..
I don't want to see that big c loud of jealousy in your eyes, dear
I want you to be proud of me..
Because I am VERY proud of you...

I Love You no matter how hard you try to bring me down..

I've never been to me - Charlene

2009-08-05T08:11:00.008+07:00

Hey lady, you lady
cursing at your life
you're a discontented mother
and a regimented wife
I `ve no doubt
you dream about the things you never do
but I wish someone had a talk to me like I wanna talk to you

Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run
Took the hand of a preacher man
and we made love in the sun
But I ran out of places and friendly faces
Because I had to be free
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me...

Please lady please lady
don't just walk away
Cause I have this need to tell you
why I'm all alone today
I can see so much of me
still living in your eyes
won't you share a part
of a weary heart that has lived a million lives

Oh, I've been to Niece and the isle of Greece
when I sipped champagne on a yacht
I moved like Harlow in Monte Carlo
and showed them what I've got
I've been undressed by kings
and I've seen some things that a woman ain't s'pose to see
I've been to paradise but I've never been to me...

Hey, you know what paradise is?
It's a lie
a fantasy we created about people and places
as we like them to be
but you know what truth is?
it's that little baby you're holding
and it's that man you fought with this morning
the same one you are gonna make love to tonight
that's truth that's love

Sometimes I've been to crying for unborn children
that might have made me complete
but I, I took the sweet life
I never knew I'd be bitter from the sweet
I spent my life exploring
the subtle whoring
that costs too much to be free
hey lady I've been to paradise
but I've never been to me...

I've been to paradise but I've never been to me...

---------------------------------------------------

You know what a fool is? A fool is a person who doesn't appreciate the best thing life has got to offer... Don't hate your life and blame others for the its suckiness.. Remember, when you point, there are 3 more fingers pointing back at you....Go and check yourself, have you ever look inside you and found out what your soul really needs?

- Anisa Lahay

Resolution #101 : Don't make any more resolutions!

2009-08-02T21:59:00.013+07:00

I was flipping through my journal and suddenly it occured to me that today is august 2nd and I haven't write down my resolutions for this month.

Seeing that July was a bad month , I am expecting something big to happen in this wonderful August. So, before making my resolutions , I took a quick peek at my older ones and smiled to myself because in every resolutions I made, written clearly in my bad handwriting, said that I must:

1. Quit smoking
2.Loose some weights
3.Be nicer to everyone

HAHAHA!!

The funniest part is that I keep writing those 3 points over and over again for 14 times in my journal which could only mean that none of them have been accomplished in the last 14 months..God damn it!!

Soooo...what should I write in my August 2009's resolutions? Do I have to copy and paste those 3 points again?... Arg, no way..I don't want to be the Rockstar of stupid.

I'll just go with the flow and enjoying what life has got to offer me..
no more resolutions!
Life is beautiful but it's too short... so why fussing all over resolutions?

Sometimes Karma is a Bitch...

2009-07-29T21:06:00.004+07:00

People said karma does exist and it's always fun watching people who had hurt you got their karma. And to be honest, I would love to see everyone who had hurt me in the past suffer and feel the pain i felt at that time, the pain that was caused by them.

But not this time...

God i arleady forgave though i have not forgotten..
the pain that I felt, the betrayal that I experienced is an unforgettable slap on the face and I don't want my loved ones to feel what I felt at that time..

Vengeance is sweet and karma rocks..but not when it happens to your dearest one..
Please God...
Not this time and definitely not to my dearest....

Amen

Intro

2009-07-24T12:03:00.000+07:00

This is yet another blog of mine after 2 years abandoning my first and sad to say that I haven't changed much since the last time I post in this virtual world.

I don't usually write, it's tiresome. So please be a little understanding if you found some contents that is not worth discussing. Me, like most people in this universe, prefer talking.. because by talking i can make my points clearer and the chance of being misunderstood is less.

Through this blog, i want to expose myself once more to the virtual world that people nowadays seems to be getting into .. Don't call me a bandwagooner, I am NOT one!..I do everything with my own thoughts and my own ideas based on everything that I believe.

The purpose of making this blog was to share my point of view to the world and to give another options for others who seeks advice on matters that are discussed in this blog.

happy reading everyone x)